pathei_mathos

06:43 pm: (x) been drunk
(x) been high
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
( ) been in love
( ) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) stole something from my job
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) had sex
(x) given or recieved oral sex
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(x) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
(x) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die
( ) been to Africa
( ) had a crush on one of your Live journal friends
( ) Slapped someone you loved
( ) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) Been moshing at a concert
(x) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
( ) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself
( ) been in an abusive relationship
( ) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
( ) graduated college
(x) done hard drugs
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now

11:43 am: Well here i sit in a cyber laundromat... only in New York... we had some German tourists that thought this was the most amazing thing in the world.
It was an okay weekend I guess. WAY TOO MUCH DAMN FAMILY TIME. I took on a british accent for much of the weekend because Mark, Rosemary and Katherine were in from england. Katherine is absolutely adorable. She can do an American accent which is dead on and she says she speaks four languages: Engslish, American, Australian, and French. Then she proceeded to count to 100 in French... i stopped her after 20.
Big girly day Saturday. Played with Katherine and her Bratz dolls, the game was Hairdresser... then i took cousin Olivia to her ballet rehearsal then took her and her friend Julia to the Hello Kitty store in time square... fucking draining. Then 11 of us piled into the Empire Diner to hear Zachary's piano teacher play piano... fucking looong day.
now im waiting for my laundry to be done while i listen to Stephen Lynch.... sooooooo funny. Then packing, then waiting, then airport where I continue to wait, then to Cali... im less excited about that then i was before. Now i have this really strange feeling that its going to be a complete drag. Which.... kinda makes me want to miss my flight... but that would result in endless amounts of bitching by every member of my family because if one person gets to bitch the entire fucking family feels they have the right to. Just cant escape them. I didnt get to see a single person that i wanted to this weekend. Everytime i thought I could, they would come up with some extra stupid plan for me ..... oy.... and now im off..... raaaaah.

10:18 pm: Does anybody ever wonder if any of its worth it? This constant search for companionship, love, whatever it is? We put ourselves out there everyday, lower our defenses, make ourselves vulnerable, and how many times has it backfired on us? We try so hard and it rarely ever amounts to anything. A few crushes, some fun nights, stories to be shared. Then you find someone. Someone you actually care about, enjoy, laugh with... only to find out the feeling is not shared. You've been shot down yet again. All around you there are people with love in their lives, people with all you wish you could have, and you wonder why it continues to evade you. Then it hits you... it must be you. There is something internal, external, mental, physical, that repels people from you. There is something in your very nature, that makes love just a dream.

01:45 pm: This girls tits bounce when she walks. She is a classic beauty. That girl has a really nice ass. Isnt she cute? What do you think of her? Is there some reason guys seem to think that I am all into analyzing all the girls around me? I couldnt care less about what the other girls look like, nor do I care to have them pointed out to me non stop. And yet... thats what seems to happen, and i must say i dont give two shits about who looks like a "real Jew" and who has great features and blah blah blah. I really dont give a fuck! It used to be funny... now its just... tedious.

03:30 pm: So once again I had to sleep with my lights on and open every closet and check under the bed before I went to sleep. For Steve's birthday... Lina decided we should go see SAW. People being tortured, having to decide between either kill or be killed etc. I couldnt go to the bathroom after the movie without thinking some creepy ventriloquist dummy was going to sneak up on me. I swear to god I never peed so quickly in my life. Luckily the horrible acting provided some comic relief.

poor steve.... turned 21 but couldnt buy alcohol. Apparently youre not allowed to buy alcohol between 1am and 8 at WalMart. but we still had fun. We bought him a little cake and a singing candle that we couldnt figure out how to turn on and once we did couldnt turn the fuck off... then we fashioned bigger spoons out of little spoons with the aid of some straws... Look out McGuyver!! and Dunkin Donuts rocks... Thats all I have to say.... damn library... hindering my creativity.

09:11 am:

"Oh short life, great skill, swift time, treacherous experience, and harsh judgement!"

10:16 pm: I find it interesting that my Jewish friends say that Im Jewish and my non Jewish friends say that Im not..... and I just found out from some Orthodox Jew that I am a Jew... although... that actually means shit to me.
"Identity Crisis" still going strong.

01:09 pm: confusion
---WARNING---
Completely incoherent entry following....

Dear lord... its been so long since I have posted on this Im not really sure I remember how to do it anymore... nope.. wait... now I do. Contrary to popular belief, Im not actually dead. I just havent had very much to talk about so I figured why waste time writing about nothing. But... that changed last night. I actually had a great time with someone that my family would disown me for talking to. Though I dont agree with alot of what he says, I must say he is one of the most interesting people to listen to. I like to think that I changed a bit and thats why i didnt curse him out, kick him in the shins and run. A few years ago if he even approached me I probably wouldve pitched a hissy fit, but last night I actually listened with great interest to what he had to say. Sure there were some things that made me a bit uncomfortable, but.... oh well.
The main thing he actually made me think about is whether or not Im actually Jewish. Do i call myself Jewish because thats what my family is? When people ask me what I am, do I just answer Jewish out of habit? Am i so desperate not to be an outcast in my family that i continue to identify with something that i dont believe in? The last time i went to temple was 3 years ago and I just paid lipservice the entire time. Nevermind the "racial" question, nevermind whether or not my mother was Jewish or not, but how can I claim to be Jewish when I dont believe in any of it, dont practice, dont observe, dont care? oy... so many questions. Am I really just another atheist?
Siiiighh.... jagermeister... the thinker's drink.